You Were Just Here - Jodee Messina

I woke up at 5 a.m.  
Hearing your voice again
But it was just the TV  
Coming from the other room  
Your half empty coffee cup
Is sitting right where it was
I almost moved it last night   
But it didn't feel right
It's too soon, it's too soon
  It still feels like
You were just here
You were just holding me
I was alright
I never would have believed  
That you'd go away  
That you could just disappear  
When you were just here
 
The calendar on the wall  
Doesn't miss you at all
  It still says you'll be there  
With us all on Christmas eve  

The picture you hung last week  
Keeps staring back at me
There we are still laughin'  
Like nothin' ever happened
I still feel you in the air
It's not fair, it's not fair  
I reach out and you're not there  
But I still feel you everywhere  
No matter how much I try
Or how hard I cry It still feels like 
You Were Just Here

RIP Bompa

So yesterday was the one year mark since my Bompa passed away, and two weeks will mark the day my great-grandpa Pete passed away. I have come to dread September the passed two years. After my great-grandpa passed away, I was sad but I handled it pretty well because we had been anticipating it for awhile and I had seen him two weeks earlier. My Bompa passing came as a total shock to everyone, and I have had a really hard time with it. I hadn't seen my Bompa in three months. This past year I have had days where I just wanted to ball and some days that I actually did, and then other days where I was over-joyed to finally be having a baby. I was so impatient, I was wanting a baby soo bad. Bompa kept telling me to be patient. I have felt selfish at times because I felt like in order to have my baby, he had to pass away. I know it's not true, I just felt like if I had been patient, he still may be here. I know he held Kelty in heaven and I know she knows him, but I really want to be able to physically put her in his arms and see the joy in his face. He loved his family so much, anytime we could get together was a holiday for him. I loved going to the farm with him, that's where he taught me everything I know. I loved just being out there with Bompa, whether we were riding horses or just riding around checking on fences and counting cows. It's so hard knowing that Nanny is living alone. I worry about her so much. I'm glad she comes to visit often it's so hard knowing that when she comes to visit he won't physically come with her, or when we go visit her. But we feel him everywhere. Sunday my daddy blessed Kelty and I saw him in the circle right next to my dad, for a moment I thought it was real. My Bompa taught me sooo many lessons that I treasure and value, it breaks my heart that Kelty won't get to meet him and learn from him. He had a nickname for all of his grandkids, I am his "Bee", I wonder what would have been his name for Kelty. I know that death is just a part of life and that we will be together again and when Matt & I take our little family through the temple he will be right there sitting next to my dad and Nanny. I have no doubt he's proud of me for what I've accomplished and he will be exstatic when I make it to the temple. I'm jealous of the people in heaven because now they get to learn from him. He was the best Sunday School teacher I've ever had the priviledge to learn from. That's why he had to leave the way he did, he had people to teach in heaven so that they could have eternal life also. When cousin Tracy met him there in May, Bompa said "What the heck are you doing here? But as long as you're here come take a seat. We have work to do." There's are two songs that state how we feel really well they're called "Heaven Was Needing A Hero" and "You Were Just Here". These two songs helped me feel better sometimes. Bompa I wish I could talk to you and get advice. I hear your voice all the time and I know I still get advice from you all the time. I know the advice I get from my dad comes from you too because you gave it to him once upon a time. I miss and love you. I know you're here in Spirit and your really only a prayer away.